Performance advice for an aspiring author

Amanda Stern (in the NYT) has some realistic advice for authors, poets, aesthetes and pretentious knobs facing their first public performance (likely in the Borders reading/conference/craft room), including:

  • Do not prepare with vocal warm-ups, neck rolls or the Japanese Suzuki Method of stomping.
  • Do not refer to the surrounding space as the ''mise en scene.''
  • Do not ask if there is Kabbalah water in the V.I.P. room.
  • Be polite to the computer-geek girl who wants to discuss her novel-in-blogs.
  • Do not engage the sociopath lurking in doorway.
  • You're not going to just read, are you? Have time to learn banjo?