Quite literally, your kitchen is on the slow boat to China

Recently, Dame Ellen MacArthur finished a quick circumnavigation of the globe, sponsored by the home improvement giant B&Q. A friend assures me the following letter ran in the Times of London recently:

    "Dear B&Q, congratulations on getting your boat round the world in 71 days, 13 hours and 19 minutes.

    Can you please explain why the kitchen set that I ordered from my local B&Q 96 days ago still hasn't managed the 13 mile trip from the store to my house?"

MacArthur's return to old blighty is well-timed: B&Q has been getting grief after a recent downturn in sales, and there's nothing better to distract questioning analysts than a look at an expensive boat.

And don't think B&Q hasn't been trumpeting their association with the sailor at every opportunity - to nearly absurd levels. Here's some marketing hyperbole, as cited by The Friday Project:

    'B&Q's own brand power tools from the Performance Power range were used to build the B&Q trimaran. This has proven that the tools have been challenged to extreme limits and demonstrates to our customers that if they can help protect the B&Q trimaran against the dramas of the high seas, they can be trusted to improve the comfort of their homes!'