Top Ten Signs your Christmas retail help's gone bad: 10. The coffee club's losing $26 a day. 9. The latest shipment included 40 packs of smokes. 8. Those Santa end of aisle displays? He's now touching himself - inappropriately. 7. Somehow, the store cat is pregnant. 6. The greeter, dressed as an elf, is saying "How'd you like to be my Ho Ho Ho?" 5. Weekly staff potluck lunch is now a key party. 4. Someone's charging for parking in the store lot. 3. The muzak now plays Liz Phair. 2. 7pm? That's 85% off hour! 1. You're guaranteeing early January delivery.